Redemption
by Delenn
Summary: NEW:31803 The world is still here, good conquered evil, and everything is going according to plan… But what happens when the battle is over?


**Disclaimer: All characters from 'Angel the Series' don't belong to me, they belong to whoever created/wrote/owns them. And yes, I am too lazy to look up the names of the people who own them, but I can guarantee it's not me. So, don't sue me please!!! The story idea is mine though, so let's not use it without my permission, m'kay?   
  
Author's Notes: Hey everyone! This is just a little Angel story that up and occurred to me overnight (literally), I wonder why so many of them occur at night? Am I that vampire brainsoaked? Yes, I know that's not a word. So, anyway, I decided to write it!   
  
Spoilers: There are some spoilers I suppose, but not many really.   
  
Story Notes: In the Fang-Gang corner of the Angelverse, everything is going according to cannon, or how it's supposedly all going to turn out. This is short, bittersweet, and hopefully finished. ;) I never can quite tell if I'll finish something or not. There's no pairings. Oh, and when the story refers to "her" or "she" some of them are different people, I just didn't really want to say who was who. ;)   
  
Summary: The world is still here, good conquered evil, and everything is going according to plan… But what happens when the battle is over?   
  
Reviews: Reviews are good... no, reviews are GREAT! Reviews keep me writing. All my stuff. *pouty del face* Pretty please w/ Angel on top, review? I accept the good, the bad, and the ugly.   
  
Distribution: My site, BFW. Everyone else has to ask, all you have to do is click the above link and tell me you want it, I guarantee I'll say yes, you just have to ask first!   
  
Songs For This Fiction: "I'm so sick and tired of being admired, that I wish I would just die or get fired…" from 'The Way I Am' by Eminem.   
  
Warnings: Sex/Language/Violence: nope!   
  
Pairing: None   
  
Rating: PG-13 cause it's angsty.   
  
Date Started/Finished: March 16th, 2003**   
  


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Redemption  
By ~Delenn~

  
  
  
  
It's the simple things that are the hardest to remember.   
  
Breathing, for one, every little second, in and out. Most take it for granted but it's not natural to my body anymore, I have to focus on it, force myself to breathe. I wake up in the night, gasping, feeling my heart actually stop from lack of oxygen.   
  
_Strangely, it's comforting._   
  
Eating, and other bodily functions, the hassles of being alive constantly are plaguing me. Showering, brushing my teeth, washing my hands, it's all so constant, repeated, every other minute so the germs can't live.   
  
Not being able to sense things, to smell, my heart pounding in my chest with ever breath I take, beating, so quiet I can't even hear it most of the time.   
  
_Not any quieter really; just that I can't hear it._   
  
Weakness, it's like a disease, as she once said, humans are a disease. But I am one. A useless diseased human, destined to die worthless, contaminated, and weak.   
  
Everything about fighting reminds me of that weakness; how I bend and I break. I bleed without healing, I become a liability instead of a fighter. Too slow to be of any use; not strong enough to take something down… never smart enough to stay out of the fight.   
  
Now the demon is gone; no more curse, no fear of him sneaking out, none of his taunts.   
  
_I feel alone._   
  
He's been with me so long; before I was even me… that I don't know who I am anymore. Without the wrong, I fear I won't know what's right. And who am I? Am I that foolish boy I once was, weak and without morals?   
  
All I know anymore is that the demon was a part of me still, and without it I feel lost, like a whole segment of my personality has been ripped from me.   
  
_And it has, in a way._   
  
Look at me, missing the mass murderer that lived inside of my head, plagued my mind with guilty thoughts. It's true though, the demon wasn't some other person that I had just heard about; he was me. I became him, and I retreated from him.   
  
She once told me that you could only mold from what is already there, she hadn't made me; she'd let me create myself. It never made sense until now.   
  
Or maybe I'm just not making sense. Now that everything is normal, nothing is normal. I once left so she could be normal, have a normal life. Her life isn't normal now and never was, mine is… but it's not normal for me anymore, it's just the opposite.   
  
Tears were her first response when they came, she said we could have babies now and live happily-ever-after. I told her no. I couldn't be her happily-ever-after when I don't even know who I am anymore, what I am.   
  
I'm human, right? That's the deal; I get to live out a few human years.   
  
_My redemption…_


End file.
